20s Lessons

While perusing Twitter I found some linkage titled "25 things I've learned in my 20s [ source ].  This was a fantastic read for me and most of these I can completely relate to.

Enjoy!

1. You can’t date a jerk and expect to turn them into a good person. Jerks are fully committed to being unpleasant. Those brief moments of tenderness they give you are  designed to trip you up and give you false hope. It’s best to stay away altogether.<br> So true.  So many of us girls are drawn to the jerks thinking we can "change" them or we'll be "the one" to them that makes them change their jerkish ways.  Nope, nada. Untrue.  Stay-the-hell-away! 
2. The rumors are true: your metabolism does slow down as you get older! That means if you’re still eating whatever you want, there’s a good chance you’ll start to gain an awkward amount of weight. It won’t be too drastic but your clothes will start to hang differently on your body and you’ll feel an overall feeling of unattractiveness. Start to be conscious of what you eat and strive to live a healthier lifestyle if you want to get your teen body back. (Let’s be real though, that might not ever come back.) <br> Again. Very true.  This shit creeps up on you and before you know it, the case of the muffin top and flabby arms ensues.  
3. You’re going to lose touch with a lot of your friends. With some people, it will be expected but with others it will feel like a punch to the stomach. No friendship is truly safe in your twenties. You’re undergoing so many personal and professional changes that there’s bound to be some casualties along the way. Don’t worry though. You’ll end up with the ones that matter. If someone’s no longer in your life, it’s for a reason. <br> This is totally sad but true.  People do tend to just follow their own courses as they grow up.  Marriages, new jobs, moves, etc.  Whatever the case is, people drift.  I have found that in situations where people have drifted, it is a friendship that is salvageable.  In the end, you do end up making solid friendships with those that matter.  During this time, as you grow up you start to realize the kind of people you want to surround yourself with... and you do.
4. You’ll be jealous of everyone who’s more successful than you. That’s okay. Just transfer that jealousy into something productive, like working really hard so you can one day eclipse them and make them feel jealous of YOU.  <br> hrmm... not so much for me, but I have seen this happen to many folks.  They try to "one up" the other person, or even pitifully try to BE the other person by allofasudden finding a new hobby that has been their life's dream.  A month later, they're on to the next hobby/life dream.
5. You’ll question every decision you make and never feel completely certain that you made the right choice. It’s pointless to wonder though. You’re here now so you might as well make it be the right decision. <br> Put simply... just follow your heart. :)
6. You’re going to give your heart to a few people who don’t deserve it. Then, one day you’ll come to your senses and ask them to give it back. <br> Done & done.  Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.  Life is short... the 20s are short.  Live it and love it.
7. You’ll see your parents get older. You’ll come home during Christmas break and see new lines developing on their faces. One day it’ll just hit you that your parents are old and going to die. There’s nothing you can do about it, besides treat them with kindness and visit as much as your budget permits. <br> Living on the other side of the country from my parents and only getting to see them 1x a year at most, this is something I've noticed.  People do age, people do make their way through life.  I try to stay in touch with them as much as possible.
8. You’ll have a boss who makes you feel like you’re nothing. It doesn’t have to be in a Devil Wears Prada way. The cruelty can be much more subtle. Don’t let them get to you though. They have no idea who the hell you really are and you’re probably going to have their job someday so… <br>  Frustrating times but it is true.  They don't know you on a personal level and perhaps the wear and tear is to only make you succeed more in your role.  
9. Doing drugs is fun until it’s not, until it starts affecting your life in negative ways and leaves you feeling guilty and wrecked. If that happens, you should stop doing them.
10. You’re going to puke in public. It’s fine. No one cares. Just puke. <br>  Hashbrowns, in the monsoon, whilst smoking.  Puke, then move along. 
11. You’ll know how to make twenty dollars last an entire week because you spent almost all of your paycheck on groceries at Whole Foods and drunk cab rides. This lesson in frugality will serve you well. <br> Pouring water into your shampoo to get the-very-last-drop; using kleenex for TP; becoming creative with dinners (stovetop dressing with sidekicks).  
12. You’re going to betray your convictions. You’re going to feel shame. You’re going to continue to put yourself in situations that aren’t good for you. And then, slowly but surely, it will become less frequent. It might not ever go away completely but it won’t be as bad. In the meantime, stop shame spiraling about it. It gets you nowhere. <br>  This hits home for my early 20 years.  There have been some precarious situations I've put myself in, but as the years passed you start to...well...grow up.
13. Loving yourself is hard. Hating yourself is harder. <br> Never hate yourself.  Learn to love yourself.
14. You’re going to hook up with someone who you would never touch in the daylight sober. Just don’t freak out too much about it. Consider it to be your good deed for the day. <br>  I see this happen with girlfriends around me.  Hasn't happened to me, and honestly I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. :)
15. You’re going to have people in your life who are toxic. They may say that they love you, they may say that they have your back, but they don’t. Get rid of them. <br> Done.  Adios fair weathered "friend."  
16. You’ll have moments with someone that are so intense, it’ll feel like you’ve been electrocuted back to life. You’ll hold on to these moments for a long time. They’ll give you hope when you’re going through the motions. <br>  The intensity has driven me mad, and then ultimately made me the happiest 30 year old on the block.  These moments are cherished.
17. You’ll always care about your first love. That doesn’t make you crazy, it just makes you human. When relationships end, it’s not so cut and dry. You carry everyone you’ve ever loved into every relationship thereafter. <br>  I'm not heartless, and I do care.  Having said that, I wouldn't ever go back.  It was a point in my life and I've since moved on.
18. You’ll enter your twenties as a fashion disaster and (hopefully) leave them looking fantastic. If you don’t know how to put yourself together by then, I really don’t know what to tell you. <br> Hahahah this made me LOL!!! 
19. You’ll realize that the Internet can be a cruel son of a bitch but, you know, www.whatever.com.  <br>  Cruel, funny, enlightening, educational.  
20. So much of what you think matters doesn’t actually matter at all. It’s kind of rude. Like, thanks for making me believe in things that are ultimately so inconsequential, you jerk. <br>  I will always be this way, 20s or not.  My noggin goes into overdrive and starts racing.  But still... thank's a lot.. jerk.
21.  You’ll treat someone terribly. Whether it to be a lover or your friend, there’ll be someone whose feelings you take for granted. We focus too much on whether or not someone is hurting us. The reality is that we might actually be the one who’s hurting someone. <br>  This has been a HUGE reality check as of late.  Working on it.  Time to put yourself aside and look at those beside you and realize without them... you have nothing.
22. Doing “grown-up things” doesn’t make you a grown up. Shopping for housewares, buying a plant, embracing domesticity — these things don’t create maturity. If you’re still a baby who hasn’t figured things out, you’ll remain a baby, no matter how many times you pay your rent on time. <br>  So true.  Living with your parentals until your early, mid, even late twenties.... zero life experience.  And you will remain a baby because you are being babied and haven't stepped out into the real world to know what it's like to have to do things like step 11.  Will be a harsh reality check for you some day. :)
23. Don’t force yourself into loving anyone. If it’s not working in the beginning, it’s probably not going to work ever. <br>  Learned this in my teens (before knowing what Love really is), but it was a good life lesson.
24. You are so lucky to have everything that you have. Stop crying about an unreturned text message and get some perspective. <br>  Life is short.  Appreciate it.  Don't sweat the small stuff.
25. Don’t go too long without having sex. Ever.  <br> Ever, ever, ever.  

This is it

Life as I know it in my 20s is quickly coming to a close.  Tomorrow...this girl turns the big 3-0.  (!!!)

I know most people say, "Yeah, OK Lex, it's really not that big a deal."  This I know.  However it is the end of a long era for me and I do have a lot to reflect on.
Am I looking forward to my 30s?  Sure, why not.
Will I miss the 20s?  A-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y!

I have gone through a LOT in my 20s.  Everyone has their own stories to tell.  For me, some highs, some lows.  All of it allowed me to grow as a person.  I can comfortably say I'm transitioning to a 30-something woman as a more knowledgeable, selfless, sincere and rational person.  Most of the time...


So much has happened in this last decade.  Heck... I moved across the country, practically one coast to another.  On my lonesome.  No family nearby.  What the hell was I thinking?
Majority of my 20s has been spent away from my family on another coast.  This has undoubtedly been one of the most difficult things for me.  At the same time, I had made some adoptive families and become a comfortable part of them.  New bonds and new relationships have been formed and despite them not "filling a void" from not having my blood family nearby, it has been extremely comforting to become so close and so loved by others.

As life has it, many people have come and gone in my circle of friends/family.  I am thankful for those people who I surround myself with present-day.  Many of which probably don't even know how thankful I am for me to have them in my life and how much they mean to me.  With life's ups and down's, there have been times where people have drifted away and others resulting in an absolute parting of ways.  The experiences I've had in my 20s have been the typical growth experiences but for me it's funny to reflect back at my "Lex knows best" attitude in my early twenties and realize how much I didn't know, about life, about others, about myself, about the things I need and the things I value.

With my work life, it's funny for me to reflect back at how many years I've spent doing the same type of work.  Albeit with different companies, and different positions, but the type of work has been the same.  For someone who's always had a difficult time knowing what they've wanted to do in life, my 20s have had me pretty grounded on that front.  I don't have a life plan and still don't know what exactly I want in life - so I take each day as they come.  I haven't rushed hastily into something I don't love or regret which to me is just as rewarding as taking the scenic route on a road trip.

Today, my head is all over the place.  Today also seems a bit lacklustre.

Tomorrow... more of the same.  It IS just another day.

Celebration should be given to my mother who had been diagnosed with cancer around the time of my birth.  Likely, had she not been pregnant with me, she wouldn't have known she had cancer.

Celebration to her survival.

To me.. and to my birthday,.it's just a number.

See you in my 30s. :)

Embrace... yourself

Body image – it’s something we all struggle with. I sure as heck do.

Over the past few years my weight has fluctuated all over the map. Growing up I was very active with sports at school: volleyball, basketball, running track etc. Dance was a *big* part of my life. I was in ballet, tap, modern, Ukrainian, the list goes on.  Naturally, with all of that activity, I was a very lean person.

We often hear about horrible things kids or even adults say to other kids who may have a little meat on their bones. On the flipside, I got the same kind of attention but in reverse: I was so thin, people used to tease me that I was anorexic. I would always want so badly to gain weight to stop the teasing and I’d eat like a horse to try to gain that weight. Nothing changed. I was that way until I was about 19, or 20 years old.

My cousin used to warn me that I’d soon grow into my “Ukrainian baba ass” and I could only laugh because it wasn’t foreseeable.

Well sure enough it happened. That booty grew but so did other parts of my body. I entered a relationship (isn’t that always how it goes?) and the pounds started adding on. Over the years the weight just kept coming on, but I did nothing about it. Exit said relationship and sure enough the pounds dropped and I was almost the weight I was in my teens (I dropped about 25+ pounds…fast! Courtesy of buying a house stress, loss of relationship stress, being distanced from a family I grew to be a part of stress, and much more positive stuff like dancing my ass of fun!). This was not the desired way to lose weight, but meh it worked. I felt better about myself. I got complimented often (which I’m not particularly comfortable with, but it was nice to know that the change was visible). I was able to wear clothes from earlier years, and buy new ones that looked and felt good. All the while, I know I actively did nothing to contribute to the loss.

It was short lived. Enter another relationship, and sure enough the pounds started coming back thanks to several date nights, eating out, grabbing a few beers, socializing, etc. Hey, what can I say… we like our food!

Knowing that I don’t want to go back to the weight I was in the 1st relationship where I gained so much weight, I am now actively trying to either maintain my current weight and tone up or drop a couple. This is huge for me since I’ve never ACTIVELY tried to lose weight. Growing up, the sports and dance and having a super high metabolism never “trained” me to know how to eat properly/exercise. So I’m now in a new stage where I have to learn discipline (hello… discipline and lex are like oil and water!).

 But it’s FUN! And it’s something that I can take away and actually know that I actively had something to do with the changes in my body – not just chalking it up to stress and partying.

I will never give up food (as in the bad foods). I will learn self-control and not deprive myself of things I like, but this is where discipline comes in.

That Kate Moss quote all over Pinterest and other social media sites “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” sickens me.

1) Look at the source. Do you *really* look up to Kate Moss? Really? Disgusting.

2) EAT! People who pick at their food in person because they simply don’t want to eat/be seen eating (I have no idea what it is) is tres annoying! Depriving yourself of food is super unhealthy, extremely unflattering and, well…. Awkward. Food is FUEL.  Your body needs fuel to stay energized!

3) Bones protruding from your body? Yeah… that’s as hot as whale tail sticking out of girl’s asses.

How about changing your mindset and adopting quotes that are more positive?
“Nothing looks as good as healthy feels.” <--So true. Tell me a fit person DOESN’T look better than someone pasty skinned from lack of nutrients with jaunt elbows and cheekbones

 “Strong is the new skinny.” If someone’s going to smack a bitch, I’d rather be the strong bitch than the skinny bitch. Jusssayin!

The list goes on. I don’t know why this is in my head. All I know is going to the gym and yoga and seeing the girls who take pride in keeping their bodies fit; seeing other girls work HARD to BECOME fit or to shed some pounds is extremely motivating. It’s such a good environment and despite all of my prior ranting and raving about having to go to the gym – it’s become routine for me and I look forward to going. (Never EVER did I think those words would come out of my mouth/fingers).

 And lose the competition. So you don’t like a girl/having troubles with a girl/perhaps jealous of her so you feel the need to compare your body to hers.

This kind of thing really shows your maturity.