P-p-p poker face

I consider myself to be a very honest person. I find lying almost *hard* to do. Funny enough, I'd say I'm a faily good poker player yet I have absolutely no poker face in the game of life.

To me... this is a good thing.

However, let's me honest, I'm not going to be all high and mighty saying I've never lied, fibbed, or extended the truth. But I do take pride in knowing that what you see is pretty much what you get of me.

Lately I've come to realize that to me, a large part of honesty is actually being open and honest.

Let's discuss.

For many moons I've been a person who often finds it hard to say what is on my mind. I'm an overanalyzer and often worry that what I want to say may end up hurting another person. This has caused me to become a vault in many respects. I bottle a lot of what is on my mind for fear of the possibility of saying something stupid or hurtful. There are many times when something is on my mind or bothering me but if it involves something someone else said/did, I have a knack of just putting it away under lock and key and not actually dealing with my feelings or talking it out.
This has caused a lot of frustration. Not only of me, but surely of others.

I've played the game. I've fibbed. Danced around the truth. When people ask if I'm ok, I'll say yes, even if I'm not. Even when people have hurt me, I often don't talk to them about it because I feel I'm being irrational and/or I just want to avoid any unnecessary drama.

Let me tell you... the headaches and heartaches caused from this just aren't worth it.

Something happened this year. 2011 really has brought out a new Lex. Hense... Lex 2.0.

I stopped wanting to play the game.
I stopped putting up with people hurting me.
I no longer wanted to bite my tongue when something was bothering me.

Something inside of me kind of bursted out and I have been able to talk about what is on my mind. I have been able to call people out if they're being a douche to me, or others. When before I would have worried about causing a rift in a friendship, now I just call it like it is. And you know... honestly... The results couldn't have been better.

I feel closer in the friendships I value most.
I feel a rediculous sense of relief.
I no longer wake up at rediculous hours of the morning, not being able to shut off my brain with thoughts that just keep circling my noggin.

Being open and honest has truly proven to be very rewarding. Some people near and dear to me have taken notice and commented on how impressed they are with my new balls to the wall attitude.

If you see me walking with my head held a little higher... well... now you know why. :)