Mornings

Most people have nights where they lay in bed and their mind won't shut off and just races.
For me it's different. I don't usually have any problems falling asleep at night *knock wood*, it's the mornings where I experience the mind-racing, nonstop, on-repeat, flow of thoughts.

Some days it starts with a dream. When I wake up I can't shake the dream and my mind finds ways to apply it to my real life. Often causing me to question the reality of it all. Was this a dream or did it actually happen? Hate that feeling.

Other days it's an instant thing. As soon as I wake up, my thoughts turn on and bombard me in full force. Most of my deep thinking: soul searching, contemplating life choices, and surprisingly several big cries (this girl doesn't cry), is done at this time.

I know - I'm ass backwards.

At the end of 2010 I found myself in a new routine where my body decided it was time to wake up at 4am. This happened nearly every day for a couple weeks. Now, I'm a night owl and usually go to sleep around midnight, so waking up at 4am isn't something I ever look forward to. (And have you met me? If you have, you'd know this girl is not a morning person.)

During these weeks I was exhausted. From 4am onwards I would lay in bed, stare out the window at the single lamp post that semi-illuminates my bedroom and just... think.

Today is Sunday.
I woke up at 5:40 this morning.
It's now 8:14 and I have been up since. Most people have been deep in REM sleep and are cozied up in their warm beds likely still sleeping. For me, a few loads of laundry are now done, the bed is made, the living room is tidied up.

Some days I wish there was an off switch.