Mornings

Most people have nights where they lay in bed and their mind won't shut off and just races.
For me it's different. I don't usually have any problems falling asleep at night *knock wood*, it's the mornings where I experience the mind-racing, nonstop, on-repeat, flow of thoughts.

Some days it starts with a dream. When I wake up I can't shake the dream and my mind finds ways to apply it to my real life. Often causing me to question the reality of it all. Was this a dream or did it actually happen? Hate that feeling.

Other days it's an instant thing. As soon as I wake up, my thoughts turn on and bombard me in full force. Most of my deep thinking: soul searching, contemplating life choices, and surprisingly several big cries (this girl doesn't cry), is done at this time.

I know - I'm ass backwards.

At the end of 2010 I found myself in a new routine where my body decided it was time to wake up at 4am. This happened nearly every day for a couple weeks. Now, I'm a night owl and usually go to sleep around midnight, so waking up at 4am isn't something I ever look forward to. (And have you met me? If you have, you'd know this girl is not a morning person.)

During these weeks I was exhausted. From 4am onwards I would lay in bed, stare out the window at the single lamp post that semi-illuminates my bedroom and just... think.

Today is Sunday.
I woke up at 5:40 this morning.
It's now 8:14 and I have been up since. Most people have been deep in REM sleep and are cozied up in their warm beds likely still sleeping. For me, a few loads of laundry are now done, the bed is made, the living room is tidied up.

Some days I wish there was an off switch.

New Day

It's funny how this new blog starts in the new year.

I'm not really one for the new beginnings of a new year. Ever since I can remember I have never been a big "New Year's Eve" fan. In fact... I have more poor NYE memories than good (you will notice a running theme here... these stories are always with a boyfriend):

- being young, unlicensed, kicked out of a house party thanks to my then crazy boyf... in the FREEZING cold. Waiting for a bus (did not come). Nearly getting frostbite on every extremity of my body.

- another ex-boyf decided to hook up with one of my arch rivals and let it be known on Millenium NYE - with me standing right there - Gold!

- sitting around wondering if yet another ex-boyf of many years would ever make plans for us. Feeling neglected, forgotten about. No plans were made unless I made them. Now... this may be a little passive, however I am a bit of a traditionalist and I will admit that I do sometimes hope to be treated, spoiled, remembered, on a marked night such as New Years Eve.

As I sit here and reflect, I remember several quiet new year eve's with close friends and family where there was no big she-bang. No big parties. Just a few games, drinks, watching the countdowns across the country on TV. Those are the ones that stick out the most. No stupid expectations with having to kiss someone at the turn of the clock - especially the times where there was no special someone ~ and I'm not the kind of girl that will just grab some random and make out with them just cause. (Maybe I should try that?) No expectations on getting dressed up, spending oodles of money to go out and only be stuck in traffic, slammed back to back at a club where drink costs are inflated by about 100%.

Want to know what I did this New Years? I had a Lex night. I had just flown in from Dominican Republic in the early evening. My exhaustion meter was tapped out so I stayed in, had a drink, did some laundry (freaked out about bedbugs, yo!), watched the countdown on TV. Had a quick and quiet smoke on my deck as the snow was lightly falling. The air was crisp and still. I watched and listened to the neighbors in the nearby buildings cheer and holler with their sparklers and noise horns which brought a grin to this face.
Lame? Maybe.
I wouldn't change a thing.

Someone once said to me - every day is a new day. Why wait for a new calendar year to start a new beginning? Some days the "every day is a new day" quote sticks with me ... other days it does not. As New Years Eve approaches I always try to remember that. And on many (not nearly enough) mornings as I wake up, I do try to remind myself that today is a new day.

For me, the new year started in August of 2010. That was my new beginning. Since then I have had several ups and several downs. It's been the start of New Lex. Lex2point0.

I am excited, scared, freaked the fuck out about what is to come in this new year for me.

One thing is for sure... every day is a new day.

Back at it

I used to blog. It flipflopped from random posts, to food blogging, to a running blog. Followed no real theme. I used to care about the number of readers I had - made sure I had updated templates to appeal to my readers - apologized if I hadn't blogged in a day or two or more.

But... this time around it's different.

I've kept that blog up... for now. Sometimes I enjoy looking back and seeing what was going on in my life. I met some great people, created wonderful memories and I enjoy reflecting on that. Maybe one day I'll shut it down, but for now it's still there for me and you to peruse, should we decide to.

The writing was always an outlet. Even though I had no rhyme or reason to what I was writing, it was a welcome outlet. I want to get back to that.

Welcome Lex2point0.

So much has changed for me in the past year or so. I've done a lot of self-reflecting. Had to learn and re-learn so many things in life. It's been nothing short of a time...

Now I welcome you to see what goes on behind these green/blue/hazel eyes (/a la Kelly Clarkson). Cuz really, my eyes do change color.... Really!